What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
