You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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