if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
