proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
