did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
