I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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