She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
