You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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