she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
