Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
