Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
