Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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