So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
