weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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