haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
