I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
