Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We were destined to go to rehab together
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
