This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
