I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
