Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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