ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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