did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
