he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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