i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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