Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize