Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
