I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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