I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
