I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
