oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
