he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize