What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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