went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize