somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
