So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
