Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
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when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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