you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
