Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
