dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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