My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
