Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
