I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
