im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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