Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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