Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Randomize
