It's like God shit irony all over that family
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
