it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
