dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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