i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
