I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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