oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
