sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
