He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
