do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
