i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
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It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
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I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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