she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
