His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
