Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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