Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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